Running Out of Excuses

I've been having having some issues spiritually for awhile now. I've blamed it on everything from an incident with the preacher, to Allen to I don't know what. It has been about 3 or more months now since I have set foot in a church, what's even worse is I haven't wanted to. So slowly but surely I fell into a spiritual depression. I didn't know why I didn't want to go and I could usually talk myself into attending church on a Saturday night but come Sunday morning I lacked the will power to go. It bothered me that I had lost the fire to worship my God, and the will along with it so I started mentioning it to friends and asking their advice and I'm going to tell you not all of it was loving.
The most helpful thing for me was to be honest and to do a self inventory. I loved God, knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was saved, felt blessed but was having trouble getting my hiney out of bed on Sunday morning. Now I don't know if I have shared this with many of you but right before Austin was born I lost my grandmother and that hit me hard for the first time in my life I had anger and rage at God that took me a year or so to work out so when I start running form God I know it can be serious. I wasn't mad at God but I felt like I was suffering more than my fair share.
I have two beautiful boys both with different illnesses and we don't know what they are. I would like to have more kids but felt scared because of what I'm already going through.
Katie shared something with me that really got me to thinking, she's going through some personal stuff right now yet everytime I talk to her I can tell she loves the Lord and doesn't blame him for anything.
Heather was telling me about Job the other night and something just clicked. I'm blessed beyond belief and yes I'm suffering but NO MORE than the rest of you. I was blaming God for me not wanting to go to church, for some reason I felt anger that I was wronged yet I never once stopped to consider Jesus, he paid for my sins and was wrongly punished but never carried on like I was. I also read a teenagers view of heaven on facebook and that really did it for me. We have a loving God who gave his child's life so that we might live, how pathetic that I'm wallowing in my own self pity. We all have babies who don't sleep , we all have personal struggles,we all have some EXCUSE not to go but now I feel I have a reason to go.
It's time for me to stop making excuses, I need to go to church and for the first time in MONTHS I'm ready, I'm going to worship.