Running Out of Excuses

I've been having having some issues spiritually for awhile now. I've blamed it on everything from an incident with the preacher, to Allen to I don't know what. It has been about 3 or more months now since I have set foot in a church, what's even worse is I haven't wanted to. So slowly but surely I fell into a spiritual depression. I didn't know why I didn't want to go and I could usually talk myself into attending church on a Saturday night but come Sunday morning I lacked the will power to go. It bothered me that I had lost the fire to worship my God, and the will along with it so I started mentioning it to friends and asking their advice and I'm going to tell you not all of it was loving.
The most helpful thing for me was to be honest and to do a self inventory. I loved God, knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was saved, felt blessed but was having trouble getting my hiney out of bed on Sunday morning. Now I don't know if I have shared this with many of you but right before Austin was born I lost my grandmother and that hit me hard for the first time in my life I had anger and rage at God that took me a year or so to work out so when I start running form God I know it can be serious. I wasn't mad at God but I felt like I was suffering more than my fair share.
I have two beautiful boys both with different illnesses and we don't know what they are. I would like to have more kids but felt scared because of what I'm already going through.
Katie shared something with me that really got me to thinking, she's going through some personal stuff right now yet everytime I talk to her I can tell she loves the Lord and doesn't blame him for anything.
Heather was telling me about Job the other night and something just clicked. I'm blessed beyond belief and yes I'm suffering but NO MORE than the rest of you. I was blaming God for me not wanting to go to church, for some reason I felt anger that I was wronged yet I never once stopped to consider Jesus, he paid for my sins and was wrongly punished but never carried on like I was. I also read a teenagers view of heaven on facebook and that really did it for me. We have a loving God who gave his child's life so that we might live, how pathetic that I'm wallowing in my own self pity. We all have babies who don't sleep , we all have personal struggles,we all have some EXCUSE not to go but now I feel I have a reason to go.
It's time for me to stop making excuses, I need to go to church and for the first time in MONTHS I'm ready, I'm going to worship.

OFFICALLY GROSSED OUT

I was totally grossed out today. I had to go to Aubrey's school to sign some papers for him for next year. Anyway his teacher dates the man that my father in law and brother in law work for. So we were talking and she brought up the fact my brother in law has a girlfriend (which Allen and I knew NOTHING about). I told her I didn't know but Allen would probably find out. Which as you know it's the older brothers job to aggravated the younger one, (allen is the oldest), so he calls up his brother to find out who he is dating.

NOW GET THIS--
Allen has a half brother and sister and was adopted by his step dad his senior year in high school. That being said, his mom and her sister married brothers so Allen's brother and sister have DOUBLE first cousins. His brother is NOW dating his double first cousin's ex wife!!!!!! EWW GROSS. Not only that but she had a baby by his cousin and gave him up.

I've only heard of this kind of thing on soap operas!!! This family takes "keeping it in the family" to the extreme!!!

Shameless

This is a shamless plug for Klassy Prints. If you haven't checked out their website you need to. Katie is severely talented.

UPDATE!!!!!!

I've added a picture of my beloved cat Squeaker. She is my pride and joy, I got her from the vet right before I found out I was pregnant with Aubrey so I've had her 5 years or so. In those five years she had developed the habit of going outside which wouldn't worry me so bad except I had her declawed. Anyway, she ran outside about 5 days or so ago. I've been worried sick because usually she comes back in a day or so and it's been about a week. Well Lo and Behold we were cooking hamburgers tonight and guess who came up in the house, Squeaker Ann!!! I've never been sooo happy.

On another note, we took Aubrey to the audiologist (the hearing doctor) to see if he has severe enough hearing loss to require a hearing aid. Well, we did the test and she said he's got fluid behind his ears and apparently it's been there a long time. It doesn't mean that he's got an infection because it could be clear but he does have to go see an ENT.

I know I've been talking about Aubrey and his problems for a long, LONG time. It's been hard on us and we've welcomed your prayers. One of the issues we've been having is that he wasn't sleeping. They put him on numerous combos of meds trying to see what worked the best and helped him sleep better but it was all to no avail. Because of him not sleeping we haven't been to church in probably 2 months or more and I've felt awful but I was just soo tired. Anyway one night I was on the internet, facebook I think, and I was just working myself in a funk and I don't know why but I picked up the phone and called the preacher's wife. I LOVE our preacher's wife, she's the sweetest lady I know and she's kind of young so I can easily relate to her and I also like the fact she studied to be a nurse although God chose to use her in a different way. So anyway, I called Mrs.Lisa and was just pouring all my frustrations out and telling her about Aubrey and tellign her why we hadn't been to church and so forth and so on. She listened and we put him on the prayer list and she just made me feel better. After we finished talking she prayed with me and we hung up and I felt so much better.

Well, I have an UPDATE on Aubrey, after she prayed over us Allen and I decided to take him off the melatonin which is an over the counter sleep aid they told us to give him. Guess what!! He's sleeping better now that we've reduced his meds and took him off all sleep aids. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HE IS GOOD AND GRACIOUS!!!

Time flies when you're changing diapers

I'm sure we've all heard the Trace Adkins song "You're Gonna Miss This". It's a sweet song but I never realized how true it was. Aubrey will be 4 on March 31. I still remember my baby shower that most of you attended at Alison and Al Ward's house 4 years ago. I also remember the day he was born. I don't mean to get sentimental but you never realize how quickly they grow up. My advice take lots of pictures!!!! They change so much from month to month year to year Austin doesn't even look like the same baby that I brought home and in August he'll be 3!!!!!

WOW I'm getting old

Pay attention

Ok so earlier this week I wasn't feeling well and thought I had a head cold or allergies. I think it started Sunday afternoon and it was basically a stuffy nose and a sore throat. I didn't sleep too well Sunday night and at 530 started throwing up--which to me is like dieing because it's awful for me. I suffered all day Monday with being nauseated and having the head cold. Went to bed super early Monday night and thought I was healed by Tuesday night. Woke up Wednesday and was doing ok and my fever came back which put me on the couch. Normally this wouldn't have been a big deal except Allen needed to go to work because they're doing layoffs at his job and I can't watch the boys when I'm sick. To make a long story short Allen missed 2 days and went to work for only a couple of hours yesterday. I thought I just had a bug but here it is Saturday and it's the first time I really feel better. I'm posting this so you can be on the look out. I found out yesterday that there is a new strain of flu that is no responsive to meds even if you go to the Doctor they can't help you. I think next year I'm taking a flu shot because this was awful.