Going Bananas!!

I Realize I have been off the internet for a while but WHEW!! Trying to keep up with my friends is exhausting when I've been MIA for a while.

I'm glad to see that everyone had a nice thanksgiving and is moving happily into Christmas. We have started our shopping and we are almost through. I do my shopping little by little throughout the year and when I pull it out to wrap it its like "WOW, didn't realize the boys had that much stuff."

We received our first Christmas card of the year and it was from Jarod and Katie. They have two adorable dogs. Which reminds me...for those of you who do not know, Allen got me a Great Dane for Christmas. I've wanted one for so long and now i have one. He is full blooded, black with a white star on his chest. The boys love him. His name is "Momma's Big Ben" we call him big ben. Before you ask yes, I named him after Big Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburg Steelers. I also have a kitten we call Polly she's named after Polimalu of the steelers.

We have finally started getting answers on Austin, he is NOT having seizures but we still do not know where we stand. He's not speaking much at all so we are trying to learn and teach him sign lanugage. His teacher thinks this is a great idea and has even enlisted the help of the sped office to help us locate materials for him.

Aubrey is doing well, just being mean. He likes to pick on his brother and poor Austin doesn't really defend himself. Ah the joys of parenting boys. :)

I'm sure there are THOUSANDS of other things I have planned to say but I can't remember them now. I wish y'all all a Merry Christmas and I'll try to stay in touch better this time. :D

OOOPS!!!

Katie, being the WONDERFUL friend that she is reminded me that I have not updated my blog in quite sometime. OOOPS!! My apologies. I've been off the internet for some time but I do however get on everynow and then to see what is happening with the rest of you.

Aubrey and Austin are undergoing a series of test this month and it's not a happy mth for me. October 5th they BOTH go for hearing test but Austing has to go to a urologist also. On October 8th Austin will be admitted into the Blair E Batson's Children's Hospital to undergo a video EEG and some sort of MRI thing that test Lactate levels in the brain. Don't ask me I dunno....

I have a new cell number and if you need it contact Heather Walker...( I don't like to post those things on the internet).

They boys are doing EXTREMELY well in their class and they are looking forward to a trip to the "pumpkin patch".

Austy's First Day

I have been hoping and dreaming about this day ever since he was 1 and a half and hit the terrible twos. Austin started pre-school today!! He was very easy to get up and he was soo excited when he put on his transformers backpack. He could hardly sit still. Allen had to be at work early so he drove both boys to the end of the drive way to wait on the bus. Austin was a perfect angel sitting there with his backpack in his lap. The bus pulls up and Allen let's Aubrey go first and when its Austin's turn all heck breaks loose. Poor kid starts crying and screaming and grabs ahold of daddy's neck and refuses to let go! When Allen finally pries himself loose Aubrey reaches over grabs ahold of Austin in a big hug and says "It's ok Bubba. Ssshhh it's gonna be ok". I thought this was soo sweet because the two of them have spent pratically their whole lives fighting and when Austin needed him the most Bubba was there.

On the other side, I thought I'd sleep in and be soo happy that I would FINALLY have peace and quiet. Well I did go back to bed and sleep in but i kept waking up thinking I was hearing people. Then I felt soo weird and outta whack that I didn't have one single person to care for. I went stir crazy because there is always someone to take care of but not today.

I'm very proud of both my boys and they are both enjoying school.....Let's just hope mommy makes it through the year.

Changes, Changes, Changes

Well, the only thing constant is change. I blogged a few weeks ago about what all was going on with my mother in law and such. Well sit back relax and here we go. I'm going to make this a short version cause I"m tired. My mother in law doesn't live here anymore after a huge fight (which she started). Anyway, now she's calling bugging us to mail her tv which she left. So now we have to keep ignoring her phone calls cause she won't take a hint and leave us alone.
School starts back August 5th. That means BOTH Aubrey and Austin will be gone and I'm here all alone. On one hand, I'm excited because both my boys are so big and I'll have more time to myself on the other, (this part is gonna sound silly) I think I'm having a touch of empty nest syndrome. =(. I'm doing well in my classes (yay me!!). I'm excited I'm working toward what I feel God is leading me to do.
I haven't been to church in a while and I'm feeling unplugged. I want to go but Aubrey's behavior is so awful and unpredictable that I'm afraid to take him. I need prayer I feel that being home with him is what I'm suppose to do but I feel bad that I can't do what I feel is "required" of me. OH THE STRESS!!!! I'm soo stressed out that my once beautiful brown hair is speckled with grey. At the ripe ole age of 25 I'm dying my hair!!!
Congrats are in order for a friend of mine who is expecting!! I feel kinda bad cause I was off of facebook for a while and I was one of the last to know. Oh well congrats anyway.
Please pray for me and my family, we're going through alot. Don't get me wrong, there's some stress lifted because my mother in law is gone. We're still going through alot with the boys and trying to adjust Aubrey's meds.
OH and if you want a kitten let me know!! I have a mommy cat who is due anyday!!!!!!!!!

What a day what a day

I'm not sure IF anybody still reads this anymore but for those of you who do..thanks and I apologize if my typing is horrible but my glasses broke today. Yep!! On top of EVERYTHING else my glasses broke. For starters, my mother in law is back living in my house. Her sister and brother-in-law nearly killed her. They didn't get her insulin, they told her she didn't need over half of her meds (cuz they didn't want to fill them) and a bunch of other crapp. So, here she is in my house and I swear I have seen bitter people happier. She sits all day with her arms folded and barely says a word to anyone. If you ask her what is wrong all she says is "i'm fine".
They have deicded to take Aubrey off his focalin(SP?) and see if that was exaggerating his bad behavior, NOPE, but now I"ve gotta try and get them to refill it. I'm still trying to get a handle on his behavior and yes I spannk and try time out but it's not reaching him. He's really into "giving shots" here lately and normally he pretends with a lego or somthing. Today, however, he broke an antenna off of an old radio and jabbed it into austins leg. LUCKILY it just scratched it but still.
All this on top of trying to go to school and stay in touch with friends and now my glasses have broken. I think I"ve had my fill of bad luck and could really use prayers. Jamie, if you're reading this I have Hayden and Alabama birth announcement canvas that I have yet to mail. Sorry.

Independence Day

I'm ALL for irony...most of the time it makes for great humor...except when your 4 year old is the one doing it.

I awoke this morning expecting a lazy day...boy was I WRONG!!! For starters, Aubrey decided it needed to be Christmas in July and got out my BRAND NEW Christmas tree. He opened the box and attempted to put it up...he even tried putting the stand up. If this wasn't bad enough, he gets two rolls of wrapping paper and attempts to wrap our 5 kittens up as presents to put under the tree. (No kittens were harmed).

Well, after we cleaned all of that up he went into our playroom to play with Austin. I quickly learned that was a BAD idea. They broke the bottom window (they broke the top one earlier) and proceeded to clean out the closet. They did this buy throwing whatever they could out the window. Well I cleaned that up and blistered both of their bottoms.

Well tonight since they broke the playroom windows they were playing in Austin's room. Guess what...they BROKE THAT WINDOW TOO!!!!

I'm all for declaring Independence but do they have to declare war on my windows. This has NOT been a good day.

To top it all off yesterday on the way home from town I had a blow out. Luckiy I was close enought to a business where I knew the owner that I was able to get help. This definately hasn't been my weekend.

Puzzled

'Tis the season for Bible School and our church is no exception. Normally around this time Aubrey is pumped to be "singing for Jesus" and cannot wait to go to VBS and when it is over he usually begs for weeks to keep going. This summer however was a different story. When I asked him if he was ready to go to VBS I expected the usual resounding YES!!!!!! BIBLE SCHOOOOOLLL!! Instead, what I go was "no I don't want to go" when I asked him how come he said "Cause church scares me". Now I'm terrified and puzzled as to what on EARTH this could mean. Aubrey has always LOVED church and enjoyed going. I even explained that he could sing dance and play and he refuses to go. What should I do here???

So You Don't Want to go to Chruch Anymore

This is the title of one of my most recent book purchases. I have to admit at first I thought this book to be Anit...well everything. I'm not through reading it but I can already tell you it is in no way church bashing or Christ bashing. In fact, it actually challenges you to think about what you've been taught and what Jesus wants to teach you. I have found it very thought provoking and interesting. I would recommend everybody read it no matter what your religion, As a matter of fact I have a thing where I give away a book after I read it because very seldom do I re-read a book. If you're intersted let me know and I'll pass it along.

LONG OVERDUE UPDATES....sorry

For those of you wondering what's going on with the boys I guess it's time for a LONG overdue update.

Aubrey--last Friday Aubrey had an apt with the pediatric neurologist to get some more results on a muscle biopsy. We sat in that waiting room for 2 and 1/2 hours and NEVER got to see the doctor. The boys were fussy and cranky and we wanted to wait but all the rooms were full and that would have taken at LEAST another hour for us to just get into a room. Needless to say we left and I have to reschedule. Aubrey is on 2 different meds to control his ADHD...I'm not sure they're working because just this week I've had to buy locks to lock up snacks and a lock for the front door to keep both boys from running out. My patience with him is already wearing thin and today is just JUNE 1st!!

Austin-- Austin...what can we say about poor Austy. Here lately his nose has been bleeding at the drop of a hat and for no reason. He wakes up with bloody sheets, clothes u name it it's bloody. He was at supper the other night and started crying, because I tried to make him try some mashed potatoes from popeyes, and his nose started do pour blood. I have to say though sometimes it bleeds worse than others. He's still rocking like an Austistic child, banging his head all the usual stuff he does. We have an EEG scheduled for June15 but I'm not sure when we'll know the results from that. We have to go to a Dr. Friday because...well I"m not sure why but we're headed to see him. They did blood work on Austin and it came back normal. So I'm not sure where they're going from there.

I think that concludes the updates....Please keep us in your prayers...

A Child's Love

Sometimes a child can be soo sweet...

Aubrey has a "crafts" center in his room. What it really is is an old table where I let him color and paint hoping to keep it off my walls (when he gets bored he gets creative). He also has his own tv and little DVD player. Well, he couldn't get a particular dvd to work and he REFUSED to watch another one, so he came and asked for my help.

As I was in there fooling with the DVD I realized his fingerprints all over it were the reason this DVD refused to play. So I used the tail of my shirt to clean it and as I did so I guess some of my strectch marks started to show. At first Aubee didn't notice he was too busy chatting about the dvd and bo bo's. Just then he looked up and said "mommy YOU have a bo bo. Mommy that's a BAD bo bo." I had no clue as to what he was talking about then he pointed to my tummy. "Look mom!! You have a BAD bo bo, I"m gonna kiss it an make it better." Just like that he jumped up and kissed my bo bo's before I could explain what they were. "There Mommy is that better?"

"Yes, baby. All better." How sweet is it when a child showers you with love the same love you have showered them with when you kiss there bo bos.

SUMMER BLUES

I am a little worried about school ending today. Aubrey has TONS of energy and nothing seems to keep his attention very long (ADHD). So anyway, I was trying to think of places for us to go that would be fun for him and Austin. We've decided on the zoo but are looking for other options. Please help!! I want to make this a great summer

20 wishes

Come on!!! Nobody has 20 wishes?? Please join Jamie and me in this...I know it'll be fun

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!!!!!

Twenty Wishes

I'm an avid book reader but a picky book reader..it's not hard for me to spend 30 mins in the book aisle and only have one or two choices. Such was the case this weekend at Wal-Mart..here I am staring at shelves and shelves of books and can't seem to find one I like. At last, I picked up a book called Twenty Wishes by Debbic Macomber. I had no idea at the time that this book would be the inspiration of my new blog post.

In short, a group of women (widows), meet on a regualr basis. At a meeting on Valentines Day one lady brings up making a list of twenty wishes. Each woman is to make a list of twenty wishes and from time to time the group meet up to share their experiences and wishes.

This gave me an idea...I'd like for my friends--we could be the mommies group or whatever--to join me in making a list of twenty wishes...they do NOT have to be serious and we don't really have to do all 20 but I think this could be fun.

I'm really wanting your feedback on this so PLEASE let me know what you think.

CONGRATS

Just wanted to say Congratulations to Jamie and David Ainsworth!! They have a BEAUTIFUL 9lb 4 oz baby boy named Hayden William. They are all home and doing fine. CONGRATS!!!!

Momma said there'd be days like this

I know you're not SUPPOSED to but all parents tend to label their children--Suzies's the smart one, Johnny's the bad one...well in our house Aubrey's the flat out bad one and Austin is the sneaky bad one. Both are bad just Aubrey's a little worse. I say that because Aubrey has had more trips to the ER and stitches, and his head glued and remember he's only 4. Yesterday afternoon though it was Austin who busted the corner of his eye but dont' ask me how...it seems like someone is always getting bo bos
I digress.....
Last night we decided to feed the boys first and we would eat later. The boys had finished eating and were playing in Aubrey's room. As usual Austin is running in and out of Bubby's room cause Aubrey was apparently torturing him. Well we look up and out strolls Aubrey as calm as can be and said "Mommy I bleedin". I was like "Huh???". I look up and there is blood trickling down Aubrey's nose. I freak out. I should be used to this but come on its my baby!!! I asked him why his nose was bleeding--he was calm and cool as a cucumber--bubby hit me in my nose.
Now our natural reaction was to ask well what did you do to him but almost on cue Austin comes out all smiles kinda like yeah i got him :).
According to Aubrey and as best we can tell Austin threw the soccerball right at Aubrey's nose..luckily for Aubrey Austin can't quite throw hard enough to break it just make it bleed.

Momma said there'd be days like this...there'd be days like this momma said... :)

Jamie after Hayden is born we're gonna have to swap "war" stories.

HAPPY EASTER

I just wanted to wish everybody HAPPY EASTER and say Congrats to Jamie who is well on her way to meeting Hayden. I wish her and y'all nothing but happiness.

WAAYYYY To Funny!!!!

My mamaw always said that Aubrey would be a preacher, Allen and I figure he'll be a singer but a few nights ago we both agreed he'll be a comedian.

I know you all remember Snap, Crackle, and Pop from Rice Krispies. Aubrey is too young to have heard of them or so we thought....the other night Allen stood up from the couch and his knee popped or somthing so he said "Snap!" being a smarty pants I said "Crackle" Aubrey who was watching something on TV never turned around but on cue yelled "POPCORN!!!!"

We busted out laughing that was just waaayyy to funny.

Running Out of Excuses

I've been having having some issues spiritually for awhile now. I've blamed it on everything from an incident with the preacher, to Allen to I don't know what. It has been about 3 or more months now since I have set foot in a church, what's even worse is I haven't wanted to. So slowly but surely I fell into a spiritual depression. I didn't know why I didn't want to go and I could usually talk myself into attending church on a Saturday night but come Sunday morning I lacked the will power to go. It bothered me that I had lost the fire to worship my God, and the will along with it so I started mentioning it to friends and asking their advice and I'm going to tell you not all of it was loving.
The most helpful thing for me was to be honest and to do a self inventory. I loved God, knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was saved, felt blessed but was having trouble getting my hiney out of bed on Sunday morning. Now I don't know if I have shared this with many of you but right before Austin was born I lost my grandmother and that hit me hard for the first time in my life I had anger and rage at God that took me a year or so to work out so when I start running form God I know it can be serious. I wasn't mad at God but I felt like I was suffering more than my fair share.
I have two beautiful boys both with different illnesses and we don't know what they are. I would like to have more kids but felt scared because of what I'm already going through.
Katie shared something with me that really got me to thinking, she's going through some personal stuff right now yet everytime I talk to her I can tell she loves the Lord and doesn't blame him for anything.
Heather was telling me about Job the other night and something just clicked. I'm blessed beyond belief and yes I'm suffering but NO MORE than the rest of you. I was blaming God for me not wanting to go to church, for some reason I felt anger that I was wronged yet I never once stopped to consider Jesus, he paid for my sins and was wrongly punished but never carried on like I was. I also read a teenagers view of heaven on facebook and that really did it for me. We have a loving God who gave his child's life so that we might live, how pathetic that I'm wallowing in my own self pity. We all have babies who don't sleep , we all have personal struggles,we all have some EXCUSE not to go but now I feel I have a reason to go.
It's time for me to stop making excuses, I need to go to church and for the first time in MONTHS I'm ready, I'm going to worship.

OFFICALLY GROSSED OUT

I was totally grossed out today. I had to go to Aubrey's school to sign some papers for him for next year. Anyway his teacher dates the man that my father in law and brother in law work for. So we were talking and she brought up the fact my brother in law has a girlfriend (which Allen and I knew NOTHING about). I told her I didn't know but Allen would probably find out. Which as you know it's the older brothers job to aggravated the younger one, (allen is the oldest), so he calls up his brother to find out who he is dating.

NOW GET THIS--
Allen has a half brother and sister and was adopted by his step dad his senior year in high school. That being said, his mom and her sister married brothers so Allen's brother and sister have DOUBLE first cousins. His brother is NOW dating his double first cousin's ex wife!!!!!! EWW GROSS. Not only that but she had a baby by his cousin and gave him up.

I've only heard of this kind of thing on soap operas!!! This family takes "keeping it in the family" to the extreme!!!

Shameless

This is a shamless plug for Klassy Prints. If you haven't checked out their website you need to. Katie is severely talented.

UPDATE!!!!!!

I've added a picture of my beloved cat Squeaker. She is my pride and joy, I got her from the vet right before I found out I was pregnant with Aubrey so I've had her 5 years or so. In those five years she had developed the habit of going outside which wouldn't worry me so bad except I had her declawed. Anyway, she ran outside about 5 days or so ago. I've been worried sick because usually she comes back in a day or so and it's been about a week. Well Lo and Behold we were cooking hamburgers tonight and guess who came up in the house, Squeaker Ann!!! I've never been sooo happy.

On another note, we took Aubrey to the audiologist (the hearing doctor) to see if he has severe enough hearing loss to require a hearing aid. Well, we did the test and she said he's got fluid behind his ears and apparently it's been there a long time. It doesn't mean that he's got an infection because it could be clear but he does have to go see an ENT.

I know I've been talking about Aubrey and his problems for a long, LONG time. It's been hard on us and we've welcomed your prayers. One of the issues we've been having is that he wasn't sleeping. They put him on numerous combos of meds trying to see what worked the best and helped him sleep better but it was all to no avail. Because of him not sleeping we haven't been to church in probably 2 months or more and I've felt awful but I was just soo tired. Anyway one night I was on the internet, facebook I think, and I was just working myself in a funk and I don't know why but I picked up the phone and called the preacher's wife. I LOVE our preacher's wife, she's the sweetest lady I know and she's kind of young so I can easily relate to her and I also like the fact she studied to be a nurse although God chose to use her in a different way. So anyway, I called Mrs.Lisa and was just pouring all my frustrations out and telling her about Aubrey and tellign her why we hadn't been to church and so forth and so on. She listened and we put him on the prayer list and she just made me feel better. After we finished talking she prayed with me and we hung up and I felt so much better.

Well, I have an UPDATE on Aubrey, after she prayed over us Allen and I decided to take him off the melatonin which is an over the counter sleep aid they told us to give him. Guess what!! He's sleeping better now that we've reduced his meds and took him off all sleep aids. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HE IS GOOD AND GRACIOUS!!!

Time flies when you're changing diapers

I'm sure we've all heard the Trace Adkins song "You're Gonna Miss This". It's a sweet song but I never realized how true it was. Aubrey will be 4 on March 31. I still remember my baby shower that most of you attended at Alison and Al Ward's house 4 years ago. I also remember the day he was born. I don't mean to get sentimental but you never realize how quickly they grow up. My advice take lots of pictures!!!! They change so much from month to month year to year Austin doesn't even look like the same baby that I brought home and in August he'll be 3!!!!!

WOW I'm getting old

Pay attention

Ok so earlier this week I wasn't feeling well and thought I had a head cold or allergies. I think it started Sunday afternoon and it was basically a stuffy nose and a sore throat. I didn't sleep too well Sunday night and at 530 started throwing up--which to me is like dieing because it's awful for me. I suffered all day Monday with being nauseated and having the head cold. Went to bed super early Monday night and thought I was healed by Tuesday night. Woke up Wednesday and was doing ok and my fever came back which put me on the couch. Normally this wouldn't have been a big deal except Allen needed to go to work because they're doing layoffs at his job and I can't watch the boys when I'm sick. To make a long story short Allen missed 2 days and went to work for only a couple of hours yesterday. I thought I just had a bug but here it is Saturday and it's the first time I really feel better. I'm posting this so you can be on the look out. I found out yesterday that there is a new strain of flu that is no responsive to meds even if you go to the Doctor they can't help you. I think next year I'm taking a flu shot because this was awful.

Worried, Confused and GOING CRAZY!!

I'm not a very patient person and I've never claimed to be. As the mom of two boys however I've learned to bite my tongue until it bleeds and my nails have never been shorter. I TRY to hold my temper in front of my boys hoping to teach them to be slow to anger even though I am NOT. Aubrey is on numerous meds most are vitamins but he does take 1/2 mg of tenex in the morning and the other half at nite which makes a whole mg tablet in a days time. He takes this for his ADHD when he doesn't he bounces off the wall and can't sit still and you just can't get him to focus. For the last few months they have worked well. He has been doing well in school except for playtime where he becomes a bully. He pushes kids down, takes their toys, and it just plain mean. This has now spilled over into home life, he's being utterly destructive : breaking windows, throwing things, hanging clothes from fan blades, pulling mattresses off beds, beating up bubba, then stripping bubba naked!!! This is my life, and I'm worried. As far as developmentally he's ahead of most Kindergartners, it's just his behavior we're experiencing the troubles with. I have NO clue why this medicine has quit working and he is CONSTANTLY in trouble in school.
I know it's gonna be the death of me but I was watching tv and saw this thing on IED it's a disorder where people just have a burst of anger and right after they feel bad. Now normally I wouldn't pay this much attention and think it was someone making an excuse but I was talking to Aubreys teacher and she was telling me she could recongnize that his meds aren't working and that when he does the bad things he doesn't mean to. Instantly he feels remorse, he knows its wrong he just can't stop himself from doing it.

My question is should I mention IED to the Dr? Does this seem serious? Does anybody have any suggestions because my son is struggling and I don't know what to do.

I do believe! I do I do I do!!!

I do believe in fairies I do I do I DO!! This is the first thing that always comes to my mind when somebody mentions Peter Pan. I can see people clapping trying to revive tinker bell whom I LOVE and I'm clapping right along with them. I don't really believe in fairies or ghost either for that matter. I NEVER watch horror movies because I don't like thinking about evil spirits and such it creeps me out. I don't like things that go bump in the night, I'm a BIG girl. Now my father in law SWEARS that when he was staying here that my mamaws ghost spoke to him and woke him up. I laughed it off because a he's been known to be a drunk and B I don't want to think about her spirit lingering around my house, sounds kind of like Amnityvile Horror. Anyway, he, Allen, and Heather firmly believe in ghost and things of the such and I laugh because it's too extreme.....or is it? Check this out, Allen has 2 uniforms he needs for work and when he got home last night BOTH were dirty, he mentioned that they needed to be washed and I told him I would do it in the morning. we both went to bed and went to sleep. He got up at 6 and got Aubrey ready and put him on the bus then came back to bed. When we got up this morning and were getting ready when he just stopped with the most confused look on his face, "where are my uniforms?" "I dunno, where'd u leave em at?" "I took them off RIGHT here and left them in the floor." "Are you SURE u didn't wash them this morning? I bet u did when you put Aubrey on the bus" "No, I got him something to eat and got him dressed then it was time to get on the bus." I was like OK, this is ridiculous clothes don't get up and walk off. Well we spent a few mins looking and you'll NEVER guess where they were. They were washed and in the washing machine. That's right neither of us washed them but yet here they were in the washer. Until today I didn't believe in ghost but now I do believe I do I do I do

Needing help

Hey friends! Listen I need some help. (don't go there too easy :) ). Last nite Allen and I watched the movie Fireproof. It is a wonderful movie and if you haven't seen it yet I'd LOVE to let you borrow it. Anyway I felt convicted of the way I sometimes treat people,not necessarily Allen but sometimes my friends and even God. Anyway, after the movie was over I looked at Allen and he had been crying (which he NEVER does in a movie espically one where God is involved, mentioned, etc. He turned to me and apologized for how he has treated me for the last five years and for once, I believed him. I would like for some suggestions how I can further what God has started in his life. Bible studies, specific Bible translations that are better for men, etc. Thanks guys! Yours in Christ CHas

Crushed

This is probably not the type of post you'll be expecting being the day before Valentine's Day but I just need to vent, discuss, process, you get the idea. Anyway, I never really went to church growing up. We went at Easter, Christmas, and even when we did go I felt like hypocrites. You'd have to meet my family to understand but basically I'm surprised lightning doesn't strike when some of us walk in the door. Anyway, I got saved around the age of 16 and went to church basically everytime the doors were open. Then I felt like I needed to change churches. Anyway back to the part that's giving me problems, I haven't been to church in over a month. I don't feel the need to go, can't bring myself to read the Bible, I have even subscribed to daily devotions via e-mail but don't read them. This bothers me because it's such a far cry from where I've been. I know I'm SUPPOSE to want to do these things but I just don't wanna. I've been searching for the answer to my problem, I figured it was because of depression, no that's not it because I find myself really happy most times. I thought it could be because Allen wouldn't go to church w/me, that couldn't be it because I've been going by myself. Then I figured it was because I didn't belong but after going to a conference w/some women from my church I felt connected more connected than I ever have. This was abosolutely driving me crazy, why can't I get up on Sunday's and carry my butt to church?
My family has been going through some tough times from children being sick to desperately needing money to almost losing a job. I decided to ponder on these and see if they could be the source of my problem. I don't blame God for the sickness plague-n my boys and pray every night that he will help me be the best mom for my boys. I feel secure in that area. I felt BLESSED that we still have our job and our money situation is picking up but that's where the problem lies. See I was always taught that you could rely on your pastor and church members for help. I've even seen them doing good deeds for widows and such through out the communtily. However, I feel betrayed by my pastor, don't get me wrong I LOVE his wife and for the most part think he's an ok guy but he blabbed a piece of my business to a relative which in turn caused a tear in our relationship (mine and the relative). How do I get over this? Am I being a baby? The thing he blabbed was over money 10 bucks to be exact and he lent it to Allen who repaid him in like 2 days. I just can't believe that the preacher felt the need to tell my business. HELP! Please...I"m crushed and just can't seem to get back in church.

25 years old and still don't get it

I realize I'm probably alone on this but I just don't get the importance of Valentine's Day. I understand it's a national day where we recongize the importance of love. I however, don't really want to celebrate my love with others. Let me try again, I don't want Allen to do some grand gesture because it's expected I want him to do it because he wants to. I know he loves me we woudn't be married if he didn't. I also love it when he surprises me and does sweet things for me. I don't however really care what he does for Valentine's Day. I know on facebook I said I was excited about getting diamonds for Vday. In reality, I was getting diamonds, not for v-day but because we never could afford them until now. To give Allen a break on racking his brain on what to get me I said the diamonds were for Valentines day. I just don't get why girls put sooo much thought into Valentines day. I know I'm weird. I'd much rather get flowers or gifts on April 9 or something like that. Am I alone on this????

Ah HA! Moments

I LOVE to watch Oprah, in case I haven't mentioned it before. I don't always get to watch her show but everynow and then I can bargain with the boys and get a little me time. If you've ever watch Oprah she frequently talks about Ah-Ha! moments. I find it funny cuz I don't ever have Ah-Ha! moments I ususally get it or I don't. Anyway, for the first time since I can remember after having 2 boys I was getting to take a nap! I was laying on my new comfy couch trying to ease my mind and a song (or a piece of it) kept playing in my head. It was a Rascal Flatts song and I think the title is Fly but the part I couldn't get to stop playing was " The good Lord gives us mountains so we can learn how to fly". Now I ususally have songs playing in my head but I've usually heard them w/in the day or so. I haven't heard that one in weeks. As I was laying there willing the song to SHUT UP! cuz I really wanted this nap I couldn't figure out why this particular song was playing in my head. It wasn't even one of my favorites. This bugs me, I can't stand it when this happens. Then for the first time I too had an Ah-HA! moment. I got it. God was speaking to this tired, weary, completely worn out mommy. I've often asked Him why it has to be so hard for me. I've tried explaining to him I'd LOVE an easy day or to. We found out Thursday that Austin's in for some of the same things Aubrey is and that zapped what ever energy I had left. This time however, I didn't question God I just took it as it came and was like well, at least I know what to expect. Low and behold, God finally told me why I have to climb this trecherously long and grueling mountain, so when it's over I can fly. Amazing how God comes to us even when we're not looking.

Nearly Hit by a Bus!!!!!

I've told y'all about my routine of getting Aub off the bus. The one where I wave like an idiot at the end of my driveway:). Anyway, I realized something was wrong w/ Ms.Penny the driver. At first I thought she just couldn't talk but then I realized she was in tears. Oh my Gosh! what could have moved this lady to tears. She told me that she was on Hwy 25 and in the left hand lane (from what I gathered) and had stopped to let a little kid off the bus. She had traffic backed up and completely stopped and she looked in her rear-view mirror to make sure everyone was stopped before she let the child exit. Well the little boy had just stepped off the bus and she noticed this truck weaving in and out of the stopped traffic and was flying down the road. When the truck got RIGHT up on the bus and realized she had to stop she went to the right side of the bus!!! That's where the little boy had JUST put his feet on the ground. She was MERE inches from hitting the child when her truck finally stopped!!!!!! Scared the poor bus driver to death. She couldn't leave the bus and the child WASN'T hurt but good ole Ms.Penny stepped on that bottom step and hung her head out the door and yelled at that lady that she should've know better and BETTER be glad she didn't hurt that poor child.
Please remember the child and their family in your prayers along with Ms. Penny. They had a rough day today and it wasn't a good start to the weekend

Never Ceases to Amaze Me

Here lately I've been in and out of feeling not exactly depressed but I don't know...glum maybe. We're getting ready to carry Austin to the doctor tomorrow and I'm worried about what they will say. I'm kinda expecting them to say autism because he rocks in his bed and if not that then he beats his head on his bed. That worries me along with the fact he doesn't talk and it was well after he turned one that he walked. So I've got all this on my mind along with trying to keep up with the list of things the school constantly wants us to sell, buy or that they need for us to stock up the room. I'm a busy gal! Even with all this going on, I feel cheated. I can't explain it. I want to spend time with my kids but it's hard. Most of the time I'm trying to fix their issues or I'm on the phone with doctors or cleaning house. Special needs kids take up alot of time but somehow I manage to make it work. Lately I've been feeling like I'm missing something. Kinda like why me? Why do I have the kids that can't go to sleep, the ones that take tons of meds daily, and one who won't talk. As I was watching Oprah today I realized something. I'm blessed!!!! I was watching Jenny McCarty and Oprah talking about this lady who gave birth to a little girl and hrs later her body was ravaged by flesh eating bacteria. She lost her uterus, ovaries, gallbladder, both arms at the elbows and both legs at the knees.
She never lost her faith. She was in such high spirits even after all that happened to her and she NEVER once asked why me? I figured if anyone would have a reason to it would be her. I was listing intently and rocking Austin who again isn't feeling well. Then Jenny McCarty was talking about her son Evan and how she helped him with Autism and that he was considered recovered. She was also talking about her new book Mother Warriors. How when faced with adversity you can either cry "WHY ME??? Why does this always happen to me?"--oh man that's me...I don't wanna be that way-- or you can say " You know what? I'm gonna help my child. I'm going to follow all these mothers that are helping these children and trying thing after thing until you find something that works" AH HA!! THAT'S IT THAT'S WHO I WANT TO BE! But how? How do I do this? I"m weak and frail and then God showed me. Pay attention...those of you who have known Aubrey from birth know what a struggle I've had with him...how I have cried over him, Heather Walker will tell you I called her almost everyday asking for advice--loves ya girl! and I just couldn't help him. What God showed me was Aubrey he hollared for me about the time I was wondering what kinda mother I was for being in self pity and you know what Aubrey wanted to show mommy? He took Mega Blocks and made a BB Gun. (pics will arrive later) Thing is it actually looked or resembled a gun. He had a handle and a barrell I mean you could tell he put thought into this.
I know it seems like rambling but I'm almost done. I fought for Aubrey, I saved my pity for myself and shared my grief with Heather. God has given me the best friend I could ever ask for. She may not have all the answers but she'll google them, or look them up in books whatever she has to do to help. God made me a warrior and he gives me angles that point me in the right direction to get my boys the help they need. I realized that I'm going to be ok as long as I stick with God and look for His guidance. He'll heal all.
IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME! God always provides for His own. (And to think it took me watching Oprah LOL)

I WANT A HAMBURGER!!

I have to tell this. Tonite was one of those nights where nobody wanted to eat what was in the house so Allen went to Subway to get him a sandwich. I asked him to go by Sonic to get me some ice cream b/c I had already eaten and so had the boys. Aubrey was the only boy up so he rode with his daddy. He had 2 bowls of spaghetti and meatballs for supper so he was just going along for the ride. They went to Subway first and got 2 ft long meatball subs and of course Aubrey wanted one and Allen said he'd share when they got home. So they pulled up at Sonic and Allen hit the button and in the back seat Aubrey was naming off all the things he's ever gotten at Sonic as what he wanted tonight. Well the man answered and Allen ordered my butterfinger blast and from the back seat came the loudest sound ever heard "I WANT A HAMBURGER!!!!" It was soo loud that the man taking the order actually heard him! Allen was so embarassed that he went ahead and let him order the hamburger. :) I'm glad that it was dad and not me.

Trained Monkeys

As I have stated before I'm not very good with all this changing technology. Don't get me wrong I can text, picture message, I've recently learned to blog, I can email, and work a DVR. Which brings me to the point of this post. I like having satellite and being able to watch pretty much anything I want to. We have Dish Network and for the most part are satisfied. Every now and then however, we run into normal problems and have to call customer service....which is where the problems ultimately get worse. I think a bunch of trained monkeys could do a better job. Actually I'm SURE of it. We tried to order a pay per view movie the other day and were told by customer service to order online. ( I find that ironic cuz they are suppose to help the customer) well we missed that movie trying to register because apparently a year or so ago one of us already registerd online and we can't re-register. Well Allen calls trying to get the acct number because my filing system just isn't what it should be :). They asked him everything but what his blood type was. O negative in case you're wondering. Anyway we decided if we could somehow get into the part to change ur password we'd change the whole thing--login ID etc. Anyway you can only change ur password. Which WASN'T HELPING. Being the helpful hubby he is he decided to call customer service to enlist their help--seeing as how it's their fault I missed my movie in the first place. He gets a foreign person with such a heavy accent he just gives up. So I try calling and I get an American...ok this is going to go well. WRONG. Oh how wrong can Chas be today??? First question she asks is if I've tried changing the password. I'm thinking 'No princess thank God you're here' I explain to her yet AGAIN that it's not doing me any good because I can't remember the login ID. She says she'll have to get my name, number, acct number, email addy....and by this time I'm getting mad all I wanted to do was order a stupid movie!!!!!! Then she'll have to submit--I lost it "Can you PLEASE send my call to somebody who knows what they're doing cause all i'm TRYING To do is order a movie which I missed because you sent me to the internet in the first place" Sure she can help me order one!!! I mean come on! Trained monkeys can do a better job!!
Today yet again I wanted to get a movie--Made of Honor--for only $1.99 so we plug the phone line in because we apparently don't receive very good cust serv. Everything boots up fine, processsing...they oops! apparenlty we've exceeded our limit!!! WHAT???!! COME ON!!!! So my hubby the sweet darling he decided to be today :) vowed to get me my movie. Got customer service and after 20 mins or so comes out shaking his head but got me the movie. Then tells me that the lady was rude and going to charge him a $5 call-in fee for a $1.99 movie!!! OMG here I go again but no, he decides to call the supervisor and make it right. Not only did they NOT charge us $5 but they also credit our acct money, checked on a few channels and pushed our due date on our bill back. That's what i"m talking about!

Gettin on my soap box

From time to time I like to get on my soap box. It's never anything serious just things that peeve the mess outta me. I'm having a problem with a so called friend of mine. The way I see it is if you're my friend then first of all you have to love me for me and not who you want me to be. Second, if you're gonna be my friend you have to hang in there through the good times and bad. I HATE it when people only talk to me when they want something. Look, I don't need friends like that. I have some of the best friends in the world and if you can't speak to me no matter what's going on then when things are good keep your mouth shut. I'm sorry but this person has really hurt me. I'm not saying we have to talk everyday cuz as most of my friends know I tend to disapper from time to time but I always get back in touch. I'm 25 years old and no longer have time to play games. I only want true friends. Who's with me???


Another thing I have yet to explain (while I'm on my soap box) is why kids want to sleep late during the week but when saturday hits they're up at 5 or 6 am? I don't get this. Now come Monday we're gonna have to drag him out of bed by his feet and it will be that way til Saturday morning. This baffles me. I just don't get it :)

DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!!!

I love getting Aubrey off the bus! I stand in the drive way and wave to him as the bus pulls up. He jumps outta his seat and grabs his Spiderman back pack from the bus driver--Ms.Penny-- and comes barreling down the steps. I always ask the same questions "How was school" and "Got anything in your bag?". Well he's a smart kid and has started just telling me if there are papers in his bag. Yesterday was no different. I was in the drive way waving like an idiot and ---you get the picture. Aubrey gives me a hug and says "Mommy I got you something". I was like WOW maybe he made me a picture or colored something or...Uh-O! he got in trouble in school. We say goodbye to Ms.Penny and head up the driveway. Much to my surprise there is a packet of papers stapled together with two free tickets to the circus. Very interesting....As I get to reading the packet the first page explains that the CES PTO is selling embroidered fleece jackets $26 a jacket add $3 if you want to add ur name, NEXT, page two explains that the CES PTO is selling embroidered windbrakers for $22 a jacket. Ok, I get it the PTO needs money. The third page yet again the PTO is selling stuff this time its newly designed spirit shirts. Fourth page, they're selling embroidered lunchboxes and beenie caps. FIFTH page they're selling embroidered polo shirts. That DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! they killed no telling how many trees to try and sell me overpriced crapp!!!
As if that wasn't bad enough they send home a packet of papers today selling cookie dough, pretzels and cinnamon rolls. So I call the grandparents AGAIN! they're going to start ignoring my calls cuz I've called 2 days in a row to inform them of fund raisers.
My mom had a funny out look though after I invited her over and told her to bring her check book she simply stated "Don't they realize the economy in is a slump?". Don't get me wrong I will support the school but Aubrey is in Special Ed.!!! He's not even in kindergarten and we've done 2 fundraisers already!!!!
It drives me crazy that this is suppose to be public school and free cuz we pay taxes and they're always hitting the parents up for money!!!!!

Craziness

This is CRAZY!!! I'm doing good to manage facebook and myspace but NOW I've gotten myself talked into blogging. Those of you who know me know that I'm technology challenged to a point. I'm willing to give this a try if I can get a few suggestions of what to blog on.