Crushed

This is probably not the type of post you'll be expecting being the day before Valentine's Day but I just need to vent, discuss, process, you get the idea. Anyway, I never really went to church growing up. We went at Easter, Christmas, and even when we did go I felt like hypocrites. You'd have to meet my family to understand but basically I'm surprised lightning doesn't strike when some of us walk in the door. Anyway, I got saved around the age of 16 and went to church basically everytime the doors were open. Then I felt like I needed to change churches. Anyway back to the part that's giving me problems, I haven't been to church in over a month. I don't feel the need to go, can't bring myself to read the Bible, I have even subscribed to daily devotions via e-mail but don't read them. This bothers me because it's such a far cry from where I've been. I know I'm SUPPOSE to want to do these things but I just don't wanna. I've been searching for the answer to my problem, I figured it was because of depression, no that's not it because I find myself really happy most times. I thought it could be because Allen wouldn't go to church w/me, that couldn't be it because I've been going by myself. Then I figured it was because I didn't belong but after going to a conference w/some women from my church I felt connected more connected than I ever have. This was abosolutely driving me crazy, why can't I get up on Sunday's and carry my butt to church?
My family has been going through some tough times from children being sick to desperately needing money to almost losing a job. I decided to ponder on these and see if they could be the source of my problem. I don't blame God for the sickness plague-n my boys and pray every night that he will help me be the best mom for my boys. I feel secure in that area. I felt BLESSED that we still have our job and our money situation is picking up but that's where the problem lies. See I was always taught that you could rely on your pastor and church members for help. I've even seen them doing good deeds for widows and such through out the communtily. However, I feel betrayed by my pastor, don't get me wrong I LOVE his wife and for the most part think he's an ok guy but he blabbed a piece of my business to a relative which in turn caused a tear in our relationship (mine and the relative). How do I get over this? Am I being a baby? The thing he blabbed was over money 10 bucks to be exact and he lent it to Allen who repaid him in like 2 days. I just can't believe that the preacher felt the need to tell my business. HELP! Please...I"m crushed and just can't seem to get back in church.