Never Ceases to Amaze Me

Here lately I've been in and out of feeling not exactly depressed but I don't know...glum maybe. We're getting ready to carry Austin to the doctor tomorrow and I'm worried about what they will say. I'm kinda expecting them to say autism because he rocks in his bed and if not that then he beats his head on his bed. That worries me along with the fact he doesn't talk and it was well after he turned one that he walked. So I've got all this on my mind along with trying to keep up with the list of things the school constantly wants us to sell, buy or that they need for us to stock up the room. I'm a busy gal! Even with all this going on, I feel cheated. I can't explain it. I want to spend time with my kids but it's hard. Most of the time I'm trying to fix their issues or I'm on the phone with doctors or cleaning house. Special needs kids take up alot of time but somehow I manage to make it work. Lately I've been feeling like I'm missing something. Kinda like why me? Why do I have the kids that can't go to sleep, the ones that take tons of meds daily, and one who won't talk. As I was watching Oprah today I realized something. I'm blessed!!!! I was watching Jenny McCarty and Oprah talking about this lady who gave birth to a little girl and hrs later her body was ravaged by flesh eating bacteria. She lost her uterus, ovaries, gallbladder, both arms at the elbows and both legs at the knees.
She never lost her faith. She was in such high spirits even after all that happened to her and she NEVER once asked why me? I figured if anyone would have a reason to it would be her. I was listing intently and rocking Austin who again isn't feeling well. Then Jenny McCarty was talking about her son Evan and how she helped him with Autism and that he was considered recovered. She was also talking about her new book Mother Warriors. How when faced with adversity you can either cry "WHY ME??? Why does this always happen to me?"--oh man that's me...I don't wanna be that way-- or you can say " You know what? I'm gonna help my child. I'm going to follow all these mothers that are helping these children and trying thing after thing until you find something that works" AH HA!! THAT'S IT THAT'S WHO I WANT TO BE! But how? How do I do this? I"m weak and frail and then God showed me. Pay attention...those of you who have known Aubrey from birth know what a struggle I've had with him...how I have cried over him, Heather Walker will tell you I called her almost everyday asking for advice--loves ya girl! and I just couldn't help him. What God showed me was Aubrey he hollared for me about the time I was wondering what kinda mother I was for being in self pity and you know what Aubrey wanted to show mommy? He took Mega Blocks and made a BB Gun. (pics will arrive later) Thing is it actually looked or resembled a gun. He had a handle and a barrell I mean you could tell he put thought into this.
I know it seems like rambling but I'm almost done. I fought for Aubrey, I saved my pity for myself and shared my grief with Heather. God has given me the best friend I could ever ask for. She may not have all the answers but she'll google them, or look them up in books whatever she has to do to help. God made me a warrior and he gives me angles that point me in the right direction to get my boys the help they need. I realized that I'm going to be ok as long as I stick with God and look for His guidance. He'll heal all.
IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME! God always provides for His own. (And to think it took me watching Oprah LOL)